from the depths of the mind

6:58pm EDT 10-16-08

as i watched the amazing clouds float by on the first leg of my trip to sacramento, i became inspired.  i’ve written a lot less frequently these days as i have cleared many extraneous entities from my life.  without much drama, i lack motivation to write.  funny how writing seems to be that way with a lot of artists.  if they’re not tortured, they’re not inspired and thus they don’t produce. 

however, i digress.

i am currently inspired as i’ve never really had an opportunity to see such an amazing array of clouds permeate the horizon.  i rarely even get a window seat much less one with a decent view.  despite the seating, i frequently fly at night or the clouds are too thick to be anything other than a white landlike mass or it’s clear as a bell with only the cities and towns to entertain me from far below.  not today.

it was fascinating to watch the clouds from above them.  while they don’t look all that different, the perspective was fresh and interesting.  the change in perspective and my unusual awe prompted me to draw the analogy of the change in perspective that i’ve been developing over the last several months (actually, years, but my efforts have only recently been solidifying into results). 

the changes are difficult to quantify.  one of the most obvious recent changes has been in my job.  while it’s primarily a surface change with good financial and goal-oriented reasons, i view it also as a time to start over at a new job.  the change in perspective in relation to work has been to disconnect from the personal relationships that i tend to develop at a company.  i never realized how much those personal relationships can interfere with work.  this is a difficult task for someone with the social tendencies that i have.  i like to have fun and be friendly, but i’m learning that these things have a very specific place in the professional work environment. 

this shift in philosophy has been difficult for me because at the same time, i’m also realizing what it truly means to be true to myself.  this is yet another reason for finding a new job.  no matter the reasons, pushing myself in my career and/or education has always been one of the ways for me to be true to myself.  i must put myself in situations where i can not only succeed, but succeed beyond what anyone else would ever have imagined.  yes…i’m an over-achiever lol.

while it’s not a new idea to be true to myself, how i go about it is a little different these days.  i’m working on not simply pascifying people so “we can all get along.”  that means being honest about who i want to hang out with, being honest to people about who i am and what i believe, and making no apology for any of those things.  if i have to apologize for something, then why the hell am i doing it? 

these are tough changes to make.  i feel like i’m trying to turn a giant ship that’s charging ahead at full speed.  that’s why, despite a couple of years of trying to make some changes, the transformation is only now taking shape.  i look forward to what’s next.  it’s a never-ending cycle, and i know this won’t be the last of it.  but the fruits of my labor are ripening.  i see the clouds from above instead of just below.

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as i flew out of my city last week, i saw the most amazing clouds as we chased the sunset westward.  here’s the first result of the view…

between the blankets
6:50pm EDT 10-16-08

drifting by
can’t tell the depths
usually looking up
but now looking down
upon the puffs of white
dotting the terra firma

some swoosh and whisp
others tower and flow
stuck between the layers
can’t quite tell which are up
not sure which are down
slowly they consume me

envelope me
cover me with your cushion
over the top of my head
underneath both my feet
how could i want to be stuck
between these blankets of clouds

i am in awe
you’ve been wrapped ’round
lovingly covering my soul
gently cradling my spirit
i want to be forever stuck
between your blankets of love

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upon raj’s recommendation, i installed spam karma for wordpress to mitigate comment spam. please let me know if you have any issues commenting.

ty and gl!

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i just upgraded to wordpress 2.6, and installed a CAPTCHA plugin to reduce the amount of spam comments. please e-mail me if you can’t comment (rkendall (at no spam) prandom dot com).

also, frawnies that categories got all jacked up…

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i ate my lunch in the break room today (unusual, but i gotta’ save money somewhere), and sat amidst a conversation i chose only to observe. the partakers of the conversation were coworkers, most with whom i don’t associate myself with the only exception being my sifu.

seemingly out of nowhere, the guy sitting next to me commented that the leader of FDLS, Warren Jeffs, should be “tortured for the things he’s done.” that lead to a conversation about religion (one of the topics that shouldn’t be discussed with coworkers IMO). most of the comments were centered around “i think this sect is a cult” or “that sect is a cult.”

do you see why i refrained from participating?

most of you know i’m not religious, and you know the reasons (can you say smothered?). while my perspective is not unique in this world, i seemed to be the only one at the table who saw a lack of respect for people who believe something different (sometimes vastly). at one point, the guy sitting next to me commented that the mormon faith seemed to originate from drug-induced experiences (the phrase “the guy licked toads” was used).

soon, the conversation led to comments saying, “i don’t know how people could believe something without any other basis.” this is where i laughed inside. what do you think non-Christians think of Christians who believe in a God with very little (solid) evidence? that’s what faith is about. i’m not here to argue about what religion or teaching is right. what i do want to point out is that trying to discount a belief system just because you don’t “get it” is stupid. it’s simply an appeal to ridicule (thanks, charlie, for the deductive logic lesson!).

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enjoying the outdoors

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just downloaded and installed firefox 3. i have to admit, i’m impressed with the interface, though i’m partial to a simpler address bar (don’t need the page title on most of the links i visit directly, not to mention many places forget page titles lol).

i’m also happy that only 1 of my (very few) plugins doesn’t work. it’s one i can live without for a bit.

be one of the million + to download it today.

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once upon a time, in a land far far away, a small-framed girl toiled away at a computer. a monster had captured her and locked her in his castle tower and forced her to program applications to run his internet business (which actually consisted of many endeavors).

she worked well into every night, and received very little rest. whenever the monster was in a board meeting or networking with customers, she took a break and sat in the single window of the castle tower. she looked across the fields at the town where she lived. on the edge of the town, she could see her friends grilling and laughing and having fun. she was very tired of eating bad fast food and not getting enough exercise, but escaping the monster would take a lot of effort.

she wasn’t sure which route she would take to escape the monster’s clutches. but she was formulating her plan every day. the sunshine and breeze beckoned her to reach a solution soon. she must return to a more balanced life with her friends and family.

until then, she continued appeasing the monster, hoping to get a little more sleep after the next deadline was met. maybe with a little more rest, she would see her plan come to fruition.

the end (or is it…?)

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i finished reading “1984″ by george orwell this weekend. it was an amazing book. if you haven’t read it yet, i would highly recommend checking it out. it’s all about big brother and one man’s fight against him. while orwell portrays an extreme government, i found some interesting similarities to people in power today, particularly concerning “doublethink.”

doublethink “is the act of simultaneously accepting two mutually contradictory beliefs” (wikipedia).

according to the novel…

The power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them . . . . To tell deliberate lies while genuinely believing in them, to forget any fact that has become inconvenient, and then, when it becomes necessary again, to draw it back from oblivion for just so long as it is needed, to deny the existence of objective reality and all the while to take account of the reality which one denies — all this is indispensably necessary. Even in using the word doublethink it is necessary to exercise doublethink. For by using the word one admits that one is tampering with reality; by a fresh act of doublethink one erases this knowledge; and so on indefinitely, with the lie always one leap ahead of the truth.

i didn’t immediately make connections to my reality when i read that paragraph. however, the more i turned it over in my mind, the more i understood the macrocosm that orwell was describing. we see evidence of doublethink all the time. not only in governments who refuse to admit they were wrong, but in the corporate world where management (a form of government…or is government a form of corporation? another post all together!) demonstrates this type of behavior. lying not only to people around you (whether you “intend” to or not), but most importantly lying to one’s self.

i find it fascinating that this line of thinking actually exists at some level. but it’s not entirely surprising. i’ve grown up around many people who have been lied to and continue to lie to themselves. few search for the truth. the search is difficult, as orwell demonstrated with the main character, winston. there is much questioning, not only in which facts are truthful but also in which people are being truthful.

so what to do with this knowledge of doublethink? if you embark on the search for truth, ultimately, you have denied yourself doublethinking. you can’t do it. you either search, engage in doublethink, or simply claim ignorance. as for me, i’ve chosen to search. it’s not easy, and often times, it’s lonely. most people don’t understand, and those that do are not only rare, but are often at a different point in their journey.

in the book, winston is told that big brother says that 2+2=5. in a demonstration to see if he has accepted doublethink, he is asked what 2+2 is. while 4 is the right answer, it is also the wrong answer. this is the essence of his struggle against big brother…against lying to himself…in an effort to maintain truth.

2+2=4 no matter what they say. they’ll never break me.

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what else did you expect?

i’ve taken some photos recently, and plan on submitting one of them to a local art center for a members show. any feedback (or suggestions on something else to submit), please let me know. be honest!

also, if you use firefox and don’t have picLens yet, you should check it out. it’s the best method of browsing flickr and other sites with photos on them (all of them lol).

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I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
- Thomas Jefferson

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hello,
origin: madethelflintz0r.

…took brain for a car ride to run errands.

…changed my oil.

…rotated my tires.

…changed my spark plugs.

…ran brain around while i rode my bike (she got the hang of it after a couple of times up and down our street).

…enjoyed the cool breeze.

…basked in the sunshine.

…bought my boyfriend & roommate lunch.

…ate lunch out on the deck.

…watched golfers go by.

…cleaned out some branches (prepping for our fence…hopefully, i did enough).

…threw away some dead plants (oops! they don’t all make it at my house…some of them were annuals anyway).

…slept in.

…played on the internet.

…tried to get ahold of my friend, ben. what?!

…played on facebook.

…played on flickr.

…watched tv.

…ate unhealthy food (taco bell & bojangles…YUM!).

…hung pictures in the rest of the house (it only took us 3 yrs lol).

i’m just really enjoying today. it’s awesome outside, and i think i might trip back out there to see what other fun stuff i can find to do.

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play bow,
origin: madethelflintz0r.

after being on vacation all last week, it was great to come home to our puppy, brain. while we missed her, we were glad to get away and not have to manage the dog all the time. being a puppy, she still requires a good bit of training and supervision (she’s very nosy).

we were back no more than 2 or 3 days before we had to take her to the vet to get her fixed. it’s the first overnight visit to the vet of her life, and she didn’t seem to miss a beat. when i left her at the vet, she didn’t even notice i wasn’t going with her. lol @ the silly dog.

that evening, i was constantly hearing her around the house…getting her nose into stuff, whining, scratching, drinking, whatever. it was all completely in my head. and i found that i missed having her around the house. not having her on vacation was different. not having her around the house was flat out strange. i was constantly looking under my feet while sitting on the couch. i waited for her to follow me into the kitchen whenever i got up. i fully expected her to bring me one (or all) of her toys, begging me to play with her.

i felt completely ridiculous. i am so used to her presence in the house that i merely expect it now. this longing to “have my baby around” was foreign, but fairly strong considering “it’s just a dog.”

i started wondering if this is what parents go through when their children leave for a period (or forever!). i never thought owning a dog would relate so much to being a parent. while it’s not the same at all, there are definitely some similarities (training, supervision, exercise, discipline, affection, etc.). and brain has a way of making me fully aware that i’m not ready to be a parent at all! i feel like i got a glimpse of a taste of a glimmer (e.g. pretty small sampling) of what it’s like to be a parent.

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• Peel a banana from the bottom and you won’t have to pick the little “stringy things” off of it. That’s how the primates do it

• Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

• Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

• Peppers w with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

• Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

• To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.

• For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed. Melt Andes mints indouble broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let it set for a wonderful minty frosting.

• Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you wanta light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want astronger taste of garlic.

• Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simple chop them up with the foodchopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream.

• Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy microwave pizza. This was on the cooking channel and it really works.

• Easy Deviled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg.
Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

• Expanding Frosting
Take a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You can frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

• Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat at faster.

• Newspaper weeds away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.

• Broken Glass
Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can’t see easily.

• No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

• Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn’t hurt the plant and the squirrels won’t come near it.

• Flexible vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty papertowel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

• Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and — ta da! – static is gone.

• Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don’t dry cup. Next, add your ingredient such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

• Foggy Windshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

• Reopening envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside , just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Voila! It unseals easily.

• Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It’s a lot cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It’s also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn’t like when you tried it in your hair…

• Goodbye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it 1/2″ with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

• Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it “home,” can’t digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works & you don’t have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

• INFO ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS
If, when or even before the heating unit goes out on your clothes dryer you should consider some information from a repairman. Go to your dryer and pull out the lint filter. It should be clean (always clean the lint from the filter after every load of clothes.) Take the filter over to the sink, run hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a mesh material – the hot water may just sit on top of the mesh! It may not go through it at all. That is because dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh and that can burn out the heating unit. You can’t SEE the film, but it’s there. It’s what is in the dryer sheets to make your clothes soft and static free –that nice fragrance too. That waxy feel when you take them out of the box, is the stuff that builds up on your clothes and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to catch fire & potentially burn down your home. The best way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (& to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out & wash it with hot soapy water & an old toothbrush (or other soft brush) at least every six months. It will make the life of the dryer at least twice as long!

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