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Shopping

I have never been a fan of shopping.

But my mom seemed to really enjoy it. When we were small, my younger brother and I went with her frequently on shopping trips to Belk (department store) and Waccamaw (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waccamaw_Corp.). When she went back to work, she upgraded our visits to Nordstrom and Dillards. I was 12, and by this time, loved going with her because she always helped me figure out what to pick out. I was never very good at that. She was always very understanding and let me do my own thing, even if it meant wearing men’s Reebok sneakers (I had big feet lol) with a dress. I valued comfort over fashion, and she never made me feel weird about that.

As I got older, I didn’t pick up any new shopping habits or fashion sense. I tried shopping with friends, but I could never get into it. I always felt inadequate about my preferences and tastes. While my relationship with my mom was often strained as I transitioned into my 20s, we could still go shopping and have a good chat. She always listened even if she didn’t agree with all of my choices (clothing or otherwise).

I got to go shopping with her only a few weeks before she died. We were shopping for earrings at JCPenny (a random stop in the mall). Mom was giving me input and asking questions as I tried to narrow down my choices for earrings. She was always supportive, and offered her experiences and opinions. As I paid for a set of earrings I had picked out, I noticed a sale on some blouses that would be work appropriate.

Mom continued to offer feedback (“that’s pretty” or “that would go well with this”) and went so far as to offer to pay for the clothes. I’m well into my 30s now, and she’s still trying to take care of me! The blouses weren’t even that expensive. She insisted, but I pushed back this time. I ended up buying an entire suit and 2 blouses for less than $70. It was really sweet that she wanted to buy me clothes.

It will be hard shopping without her. I might go back to stitch fix or other online services. I’ve never been a fan of shopping.

California

Today, my visit to California ends. It’s been an emotional 9 days, not to mention the week leading up to it. This was my first time to Sacramento since my mom died. It’s also the first time back in the Bay Area since my friend Dan died. I have so many memories of them in these places. I’ve definitely cried more this week than I have in the last few.

I rented a convertible to drive around Sacramento on my quick weekend visit, and drove everywhere with the top down. I spent time with my cousins, aunts, uncles, and my Grandmother. We swam in my aunt’s pool, laughed over coffee, and shared a few tears as we shared memories of my Mom. This was her family…where she grew up. I ate Jim Boy Tacos in her honor. They were her favorite tacos, and whenever we visited, we ate there every other day.

Family

On Sunday, I drove to San Jose to attend Apple’s WorldWide Developer Conference (WWDC). This was particularly emotional because Dan worked for Apple on the team that runs the live events. I last saw Dan in “meat space” when I was out for the Apple conference 2 years ago. He had just moved out to San Fran for the job, and was really excited about it. We discussed San Francisco life (and all his crazy encounters), and watched the Warriors in the playoffs (he was a huge basketball fan). I took him to some of my favorite spots in Haight-Ashbury, and he took me to some places his friends recommended. We had a great time.

WWDC Bash 2017

The day I “won the lottery” and got a WWDC ticket was the day Dan died. I knew I had to go. I didn’t realize I would cry every day of the conference. Or that I would randomly break down in sessions where I’d think Dan probably would’ve given me clues about the upcoming releases (he never broke the NDA though).

I also met some really cool people. WWDC does not disappoint in bringing the amazing developer community together. From Ireland to Ohio to Australia, once again I met people from around the world of all backgrounds and upbringings. Once again, I have been enlightened and educated, and hopefully made a little better by the people I’ve connected with.

Castle Rock

And today, I went hiking with Kim (Dan’s wife) to see Dan’s grove in Castle Rock (Los Gatos, CA). It was an amazing hike. The 7.5mi trek wound through groves of trees, across ridges of the mountains, and near trickling streams of water. It was beautiful.

I cried a lot today. But that’s okay. I’ll move forward.

I’ll be back.

Music Follows Mood

The most interesting thing about the Spotify Discovery Weekly playlist is how it follows my mood. I really should capture the lists over time because you could probably guess a little bit about what’s going on in my life during each week based on the musical styles represented.

For instance: last summer, I was writing code for the better part of 8 hours a day, and my “Coding Tunes” playlist was getting all the play, tweaking, and tuning. My Discovery Weekly was subsequently filled with ambient electronica of all kinds. Fast forward to today, and you’ll find the tracks are much darker, edgier, and hard…a reflection of the sadness and anger that I’m feeling as a result of the loss of Dan & my mom.

Book Review — The Castle by Franz Kafka

The Castle (Classics of World Literature)The Castle by Franz Kafka
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

3.5 stars. It’s really tough to rate/review a book this is unfinished, but I definitely have an opinion on it. After visiting the Kafka museum in Prague, I became intrigued by his struggle of being in the corporate world but longing to be an artist. Despite being really good at his job at an insurance company, he really disliked it and it appeared to greatly impact his health. His struggle is real to me. I couldn’t help but read that struggle when reading The Castle. All throughout the book there are parallels to the human behavior of the people who work in The Castle and the people who long to be in the Castle. The way K. talks about wanting access to Klamm and anyone of importance reminded me of how we climb the ladder. The way Olga described the messengers, including her brother Barnabas, and how they worked in tiny offices with so much red tape made me think of (in hyperbole) large companies and all the bureaucracy that exists. Or perhaps I’m jaded.

View all my reviews

CrAzY

the Internet is a crazy place.

technology, the Internet in particular, makes people act funny. some people treat it like it’s just like any other form of communication–that threats should be taken the same, etc. others treat it like it’s completely opposite, disregarding all of society’s rules on acceptable behavior.

like most things, i think the truth lies somewhere in between the 2 extremes.

i had a course this semester where, in every class, we discussed various social/ethical topics re: technology and computers. it was a very open discussion where the professor said little. the students drove the discussion. it was very interesting to see different approaches to the evolving technologies. some people were old fashioned with their view, while others were more contemporary.

i think businesses illustrate how to approach technology. you can’t use any of the old business models and you can’t go around using NO business model. you must find a new model that fits the situation.

this applies to anything new, especially something that impacts society the way that computers, the Internet, and other technologies do.

so… i think the Internet is a crazy place, but isn’t the world a crazy place? we should at least be consistant with the way we treat and evaluate things.

The World is Full of Assholes

so i found out today that for some strange reason, the manager at my last job can’t give me a good reference. i wonder what happened after i left that changed his mind. i’m really trying not to let it bother me, but i worked really hard at that place. and i don’t quite get what changed…what did i leave behind that left them with a bad taste in their mouths?

time to find a few new references.

Another change in the ranks…

one of the best managers i’ve worked for to date is leaving today. he’s gotten an awesome job elsewhere, and it’s a great move for him.

his expertise and willingness to teach are the two things i’ll miss most (considering the new manager won’t even be onsite). *sigh* this is a large part of my motivation to find other employment–a process that is going very well at the moment.

Will wok for fod.

had a phone interview/technical screening on monday, and then had a face-to-face interview with the same guys today. whew. i’m proud of myself for having made it thus far.

i just got another e-mail from a technical recruiter about another job.

both are development jobs. both are a step up from what i’m doing now. yay! monster.com is working surprisingly well for me this time around. it’s just a little slower than other methods.

janie’s got a gun.

in light of recent acquisition of a stalker, i’m looking to purchase a gun. 

it is merely a precautionary measure to ensure my survival.  i haven’t done anything to threaten this person, but for some reason, he’s gotten a little psycho.  who knows…  maybe a few too many paint chips as a kid.

so any suggestions on what heat i should be packin’? 

’cause i’m OG an’ i’ll pop a cap in yo’ ass!  w0rd!

thanksgiving classic

i’m very thankful for the ability to change my perception.  without it, i would be in a constant state of depression.

i’m thankful for people who help me realize that, while i cannot change the world (most of the time), i can certainly change how i see the world.

happy thanksgiving.

you’re so fucking wrong.

you’re so fucking wrong.

rednecks?  you’re really one to talk.

i’m glad i’m rid of your whiny ass.

and don’t even play like i didn’t tell you to fuck off or tell you that i didn’t want to make amends again!  i told you EXACTLY how it was.  you just decided to take a different perception…a very wrong perception.

fuckin’ bitch.