6:58pm EDT 10-16-08
as i watched the amazing clouds float by on the first leg of my trip to sacramento, i became inspired. i’ve written a lot less frequently these days as i have cleared many extraneous entities from my life. without much drama, i lack motivation to write. funny how writing seems to be that way with a lot of artists. if they’re not tortured, they’re not inspired and thus they don’t produce.
however, i digress.
i am currently inspired as i’ve never really had an opportunity to see such an amazing array of clouds permeate the horizon. i rarely even get a window seat much less one with a decent view. despite the seating, i frequently fly at night or the clouds are too thick to be anything other than a white landlike mass or it’s clear as a bell with only the cities and towns to entertain me from far below. not today.
it was fascinating to watch the clouds from above them. while they don’t look all that different, the perspective was fresh and interesting. the change in perspective and my unusual awe prompted me to draw the analogy of the change in perspective that i’ve been developing over the last several months (actually, years, but my efforts have only recently been solidifying into results).
the changes are difficult to quantify. one of the most obvious recent changes has been in my job. while it’s primarily a surface change with good financial and goal-oriented reasons, i view it also as a time to start over at a new job. the change in perspective in relation to work has been to disconnect from the personal relationships that i tend to develop at a company. i never realized how much those personal relationships can interfere with work. this is a difficult task for someone with the social tendencies that i have. i like to have fun and be friendly, but i’m learning that these things have a very specific place in the professional work environment.
this shift in philosophy has been difficult for me because at the same time, i’m also realizing what it truly means to be true to myself. this is yet another reason for finding a new job. no matter the reasons, pushing myself in my career and/or education has always been one of the ways for me to be true to myself. i must put myself in situations where i can not only succeed, but succeed beyond what anyone else would ever have imagined. yes…i’m an over-achiever lol.
while it’s not a new idea to be true to myself, how i go about it is a little different these days. i’m working on not simply pascifying people so “we can all get along.” that means being honest about who i want to hang out with, being honest to people about who i am and what i believe, and making no apology for any of those things. if i have to apologize for something, then why the hell am i doing it?
these are tough changes to make. i feel like i’m trying to turn a giant ship that’s charging ahead at full speed. that’s why, despite a couple of years of trying to make some changes, the transformation is only now taking shape. i look forward to what’s next. it’s a never-ending cycle, and i know this won’t be the last of it. but the fruits of my labor are ripening. i see the clouds from above instead of just below.